I am a retired 64 yr old engineer who raised my 2 daughters with the
bulk of the nurturing help coming from my mother from the age of 5 and
10 yrs old to their 30's. Both have good jobs and are stable mature
adults. Whenever they need financial help, I immediately respond with no
questions asked. I occasionally surprise them with several hundred
dollar gifts for no reason. With professional , costly help. I have
always aggressively positioned my estate (approx. $500,000) for growth
since I have no plans of ever using it for my needs. I have long term
care insurance and pay all bills immediately so that I will leave
nothing but money and no concerns to care for me if I degenerate to a
helpless condition.
My mother recently passed after I cared for her in-home until the age of
90. She left her estate to me and my 3 siblings. My daughters are upset
since they feel she should have left them something. They want money to
take care of their present needs. I understand this but don't trust
their financial judgment. Perhaps mother also sensed this and left them
a few thousands in bonds and let me decide what to finally do with what
she left me. If they are spoiled, I only blame myself since their mother
abandoned them at such an early age and I over compensated. If my
thinking is wrong, please let me know what to do since this has become a
major crisis for me. We all love each each very much and don't want this
to drive a wedge between us.

-Aaron



Hi Aaron,

My first thought after reading your email was that you seem to really love and care about your family. That is wonderful to know. As love is the best feeling for most people, love also has a way to complicate many situations.

I do not blame you for trying to give your daughters everything that you could. Most parents feel the same way - and it sounds like you have been lucky enough to be able to provide well for them.
Your mother sounds as she was a very generous soul to help take care of your daughters with you. Most grandmothers do not have the need to do this - and a grandparent-grandchild relationship tends to be a very different one than a parent-child relationship.
And do to the situation that your daughters grew up with - they do not understand the difference with the relationships.

To me it sounds like you already know how you feel about the situation. I am hearing that you do not feel that your girls are mature enough to handle valuables (at this time in their lives anyway).
Have you tried to explain why a grandmother would leave her assets to her own children - and then someday your children will inherit your assets?

"Communication is the essence of good relations." This is a quote I use in my everyday life - and this has helped to cease arguments and anxiety in my relationships. Talk to your daughters, help them to understand.

Good Luck,
Jill

Labels: Family-Advice