Dear Spill2Jill
I was given your website by a friend because of your experience in Student Affairs.
I used to be an Assistant Hall Director at a school. Well i am suffering from a lot of guilt over a stupid thing i did when i was there. One night i was hanging out with a bunch of the student staff and some of their friends and we all got drunk and played drinking games. Well eventually it led to people hooking up and let's just say things evolved into a giant kissing orgy. Eveyone was kissing everyone.
I have always been a very conservative person and until then i had only kissed 2 boyfriends that i had had, but there in one night i kissed 6 people. And i know that eventually the story leaked out to some of the other student staff members which caused a lot of them to lose repsect for me. I don't blame them, because of that night i lost a lot of self-respect and now 4 years later i still cringe when i think about it. I hate that this is something that happened in my life. I wish it never did but i can't do anything about that.
I am now engaged to a wonderful man who knows the story but still i fear that one day we will run into someone from that party and they will tell him all about it and then it will become a real thing for him. I am also worried that the even will come back to haunt me in my professional career since i am moving up in the field (not at the same place but fairly close by). I am worried because i know i blew my professionalism big time and because the people involved were not known for keeping their mouths shut. Plus i think one girl had a camera. So while you may wonder why i worry about pictures of people kissing, to someone who is a conservative person at heart it's equivalent to having sex.
Please help. How do i forgive myself? How do i move one? And if say this does come up in my professional carreer how do i handle this?
Thanks,
sj
Dear Disgusted with myself,
It is nice to see Student Affairs people referring to me. Student Affairs is one of my passions and will always be close to my heart.
As I was reading your email - my first question was "was your position a Professional position or a Paraprofessional position?" The reason I ask is, in my opinion, a Paraprofessional Staff member does not appear to lose respect when they act like a "college student" - because most likely, they are still a college student. A Professional Staff member is a different story to me. I have decided to advise you as if you were a Professional Staff member at the time - so feel free to write in if I am wrong. My advice may change if you were a Paraprofessional at the time.
One way to overcome your guilt is to admit what mistakes you feel you made (you have already done this by writing to me). Some other ways to do this are to write about the situation and your feelings towards it in a private or public journal/blog and confide in close friends or family.
Next you should begin tp reflect upon the situation you found yourself in. You are welcome to do this in the same manner you admitted your mistakes.
After reflecting - tell yourself how to avoid these mistakes in the future and make sure to avoid them. This way, you will be able to see how that situation has added to what an incredibly strong person you are. You will be able to see what this situation has taught you. You have been able to see what is truly important to you (as far as your faith and other priorities).
I believe that you will be able to move on once you have done the above.
If this situation does come up with your current or future professional career - just remember what you learned and be proud of yourself. As we grow older, we grow much wiser, mostly because of experience.
I have no doubt you are going to continue to be strong and do what you must to forgive yourself and move on!
Love always,
Jill
I was given your website by a friend because of your experience in Student Affairs.
I used to be an Assistant Hall Director at a school. Well i am suffering from a lot of guilt over a stupid thing i did when i was there. One night i was hanging out with a bunch of the student staff and some of their friends and we all got drunk and played drinking games. Well eventually it led to people hooking up and let's just say things evolved into a giant kissing orgy. Eveyone was kissing everyone.
I have always been a very conservative person and until then i had only kissed 2 boyfriends that i had had, but there in one night i kissed 6 people. And i know that eventually the story leaked out to some of the other student staff members which caused a lot of them to lose repsect for me. I don't blame them, because of that night i lost a lot of self-respect and now 4 years later i still cringe when i think about it. I hate that this is something that happened in my life. I wish it never did but i can't do anything about that.
I am now engaged to a wonderful man who knows the story but still i fear that one day we will run into someone from that party and they will tell him all about it and then it will become a real thing for him. I am also worried that the even will come back to haunt me in my professional career since i am moving up in the field (not at the same place but fairly close by). I am worried because i know i blew my professionalism big time and because the people involved were not known for keeping their mouths shut. Plus i think one girl had a camera. So while you may wonder why i worry about pictures of people kissing, to someone who is a conservative person at heart it's equivalent to having sex.
Please help. How do i forgive myself? How do i move one? And if say this does come up in my professional carreer how do i handle this?
Thanks,
sj
Dear Disgusted with myself,
It is nice to see Student Affairs people referring to me. Student Affairs is one of my passions and will always be close to my heart.
As I was reading your email - my first question was "was your position a Professional position or a Paraprofessional position?" The reason I ask is, in my opinion, a Paraprofessional Staff member does not appear to lose respect when they act like a "college student" - because most likely, they are still a college student. A Professional Staff member is a different story to me. I have decided to advise you as if you were a Professional Staff member at the time - so feel free to write in if I am wrong. My advice may change if you were a Paraprofessional at the time.
One way to overcome your guilt is to admit what mistakes you feel you made (you have already done this by writing to me). Some other ways to do this are to write about the situation and your feelings towards it in a private or public journal/blog and confide in close friends or family.
Next you should begin tp reflect upon the situation you found yourself in. You are welcome to do this in the same manner you admitted your mistakes.
After reflecting - tell yourself how to avoid these mistakes in the future and make sure to avoid them. This way, you will be able to see how that situation has added to what an incredibly strong person you are. You will be able to see what this situation has taught you. You have been able to see what is truly important to you (as far as your faith and other priorities).
I believe that you will be able to move on once you have done the above.
If this situation does come up with your current or future professional career - just remember what you learned and be proud of yourself. As we grow older, we grow much wiser, mostly because of experience.
I have no doubt you are going to continue to be strong and do what you must to forgive yourself and move on!
Love always,
Jill
Labels: Life-Advice
